Have you ever wondered “why on Earth did I get hooked to alcohol in the first place?” or “why can’t I be faithful in my marriage and keep having these affairs I don’t even want to”? The causes of addiction vary considerably, and are not often fully understood because they are entrenched in complex combination of physical, mental, circumstantial and emotional factors. Strangely enough, if an addict has a history of child abuse, it is almost always the reason for the development [and sometimes even sustainment] of various types of addiction (substance or behavioral addictions). In this article, let’s analyze why addiction is linked to an abusive childhood. Before proceeding, as a side note, an addict can be rest assured that having any addiction due to a bad childhood does not mean it is the end of the world. There is always a recovery process to resolve childhood negative memories.
So let’s begin by understanding two main aspects of this topic:
1. What is a belief system? Belief system of any individual [addict or non-addict] is defined as the sum of the assumptions, judgments, potent family messages , compliments/ criticism about a person’s value or worth, relationships, needs and sexuality recorded in the individual ‘s mind throughout his/her life .” This is the model of the world for that human being. Choices that are made in life, interpretation of other’s behavior and external circumstances, problem solving, relationship development etc. all go through this mind filter called as belief system. In case of an addict, the belief system gets corrupted with certain faulty/inaccurate core beliefs like “I am not a good person or I am unworthy”. These core beliefs are against laws of spirituality because spirituality teaches that every single human being is powerful and extremely worthy and capable of love and peace. But how do these faulty beliefs get into the addict’s system in the first place? This leads to the discussion of the second point.
2. What are the feelings generated in a child due to specific kind of abuse? A child’s basic needs comprises of unconditional love, protection and acceptance. Any kind of abuse with a child instills in them fears and thoughts which are in direct conflict with their expectation and sense of being. It is imperative to understand because these feelings fuel further negative thoughts, patterns and habits – it eventually becomes the belief system of the victim creating emptiness or a void of love inside.
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Corresponding Feelings |
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| Physical abuse | Sense of worthlessness, lack of safety and protection, distrust in oneself, self hatred |
| Emotional abuse: Neglect/ Mother wound / Father wound | Unwanted, unloved, worthlessness , emptiness/ void , lack of self confidence, depression, anxiety, loneliness, no sense of boundaries |
| Emotional abuse: Aggression/ bullying/ domestic violence | Humiliated, feels very unsafe, numbness as a defense mechanism, self –hatred, lack of self esteem , helplessness, anger, resentment |
| Sexual abuse | Guilt, shame, secrecy, duality, confusion, poor self esteem, isolation |
From the above table, it is fairly intuitive to conclude that the victim ends up feeling extremely worthless and empty. If as a child the victim has realized he/she cannot trust people, as they grow up, there is a high chance that they will make a choice through their faulty belief system to get attracted towards some things they can trust; that do provide what they promise,at least for the moment like sex, alcohol, drugs, risky behavior, gaming, Internet, gambling, food, exercise, work etc. Their mind gets disconnected with reality and as a coping mechanism they start believing that sex, alcohol, drug or whatever the mood altering chemical involved is their most important need even though it usually entails high risks. The emptiness in the soul gets fulfilled to some extent but it is false filling because it negatively affects the body and lowers self –esteem. This process of false filling starts gradually, then progresses to habituation and as the habit persists and frequency increases it soon develops into addiction – something that now will have a painful withdrawal. The addiction becomes the source of nurturing, remedy for pain and anxiety, the origin of excitement and the reward for success. Soon that innocent victim of child abuse has gradually grown up to be a teen/adult addict due to the faulty beliefs which acted as the anchor points of the addiction. Like said before, an addict can be rest assured that having any addiction due to a bad childhood is just the first half of the game! There is always a recovery process to resolve childhood negative memories.
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